Becky Garcia

Humorist. For hire.

I have plenty of ideas for greeting cards. Why won’t Hallmark call me back?

BECKY GARCIA — How To Drink Responsibly | Sh*t I Learned in my 20s

I guest blogged a thing.  Grab a drink and read all about it.

"When will then…be now? Soon."


**SPOILER ALERT**    Guardians of the Galaxy reference coming up…

Saying this just hours away from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles release – I think I might be nostalgia’d out.  I love the 80s.  90s were pretty cool, too.  But I don’t care to constantly revisit. Besides, how can you miss something that never goes away?  To quote my friend Ricky Carmona after we were both disappointed to see Howard the Duck in the end credits of Guardians of the Galaxy (regardless the reason for his cameo – and I get it, nerds *wink*)  “Enough. I don’t need to be sold my childhood every year.”

I was fortunate to be a child of the 80s and had a damn blast in that decade.  So much that in fact I understand why my generation would want to cling to it and why the next generation wants to claim it.  But I’m burned out on seeing my beloved cartoon & comic book heroes & villains recreated/revamped/reintroduced blah blah blah.  Yes, these characters were awesome!  I’m grateful they existed in such a cool time to be a kid!  And I’m not trying to be stingy…but go get your own fucking heroes!  Just kidding!  What I mean to say is – there are plenty of other (new) cool comic book and cartoon characters to bring to life on screen, other children’s tales to tell, amazing graphic novel storylines that would blow our minds, and fresh new ideas born all the time!  Imagine that!  Let’s explore those!  Yay, new stuff!  Maybe this wouldn’t annoy me if I didn’t feel we were constantly #throwingbackthursday and reminiscing about pictures and memories made merely seconds ago.  It’s as if we’re suffering from past envy.  

I love the Popeye movie! It’s one of my favorite cartoon-turned-movies.  It’s absolute perfection. The cast, the film score, the costumes and set design, the story, etc. – all perfect and perfectly timeless. Thank God they did it ONCE and they did it RIGHT.

*googled “Popeye movie” just to fact-check, and no shit…this just in…Popeye (2016)?!?!?!* 

Ugh, I’m done.  IS NOTHING SACRED?!  Do you see what I’m saying?

“Fine. Then, what do you suggest we do?”  I don’t know.  I’m just frustrated, guys.  Do what you want. I won’t judge. Have fun. I want you to, really. Fuck it, have fun for me too.  Might I suggest though…maybe keeping those VHS tapes and VCR to show your friends and children that original goodness just the way I truly saw it back then – in all of its (seemingly) awful glory.  If you can handle authenticity without irony and can stand a little grit once you’ve already been to the mountaintop aka blu-ray, that is.  Or, watch the original versions of all these remakes on dvd.  Sheesh.  Just no more “new old” at the box office, please.  For a while…like a good long while.

Update: Just made plans to see TMNT this weekend with a friend (that shares my sentiment).  Relax. We’re seeing it at a matinee price…in case it’s a disgrace.

special thanks to James Murphy’s lyric “borrowed nostalgia for the unremembered eighties”


Thanks to Mark Geary, I am now the proud owner of this cinematic hit.
Is marriage really this boring? Then I’ll take two!  

From the book “A Reliable Wife” — borrowed from friend, Joselyn Hughes
Let’s start the photo meme.  O-kaaaaay?