Becky Garcia

Humorist. For hire.
I suppose I could have tried harder with the 3-prong lady plug since it looks more like a shower head, but it’s just a quick doodling.

I suppose I could have tried harder with the 3-prong lady plug since it looks more like a shower head, but it’s just a quick doodling.

A letter from my gynecologist: THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN!

A letter from my gynecologist: THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN!

Although this city blows…WE DID IT, LA!

Although this city blows…WE DID IT, LA!

LAPD, may I suggest something?

Though I wouldn’t say I live in “the hood”, without fail every-single-week a group of punks or gangsters will tag several of the buildings (including my own apartment complex) on my block.  It’s pretty disgusting.  I get that I’m not their target audience but I doubt even their rivals can read their cryptic chicken-scratch. The thing is I LOVE graffiti art.  But this isn’t artistic expression, it’s just crap and I wish the police that I see all-too-rarely patrolling the neighborhood would actually do something about it.  

Since the police never seem to catch the guys in the act, the least they can do is try to discourage these guys from repeating the act.  How so?  I propose they create a graffiti unit.  They don’t even have to be good at graffiti.  It’d be funny if they spray-painted disparaging messages over the tags.  For example:

I bet the city/police could even work out a deal with real taggers/graffiti artists that are currently trying to work off community service hours.  Put them to work, doing something they know how to do and possibly enjoy doing it in front of the authorities.  Commission them to create actual art. Then at least we could see something positive or eye-pleasing. Of course, they’ll be chaperoned/guarded by a law enforcement agent just in case rivals secretly witness.  They should also not live in/near the area they’re canvassing, for their protection.  

I’d do it all myself but uh…I don’t wanna get shot and stuff.  

an idea for a reality tv show

Wait!  I know I said the words “reality tv show”.  I cringe at that phrase too, but please read on.

There’s way too many homeless people in LA.  All over the U.S. really. While some are addicts and some are mentally ill, not everyone is a hopeless case.  Some, quite honestly, truly are just down on their luck. It would be nice to help some folks out.  So here’s what I thought up…

I don’t know: how to pitch an idea, write up a treatment, or who to talk to about this as I doubt I know any people in power, so if you or someone you know is either in the tv biz I implore you to bring this idea to fruition.  Run with it, as I think a lot of good can come from it.  Everyone benefits in some way or another. At the very least, maybe it would inspire others to treat homeless people with a little more dignity & respect, if they knew their story.

The show should be called “FML”, short for and very contradictory to it’s original meaning…Flip My Life.  A multi-millionaire or successful company (or at least one that could use some PR help by doing some major philanthropy work) sponsors 1 to several homeless people and helps them change their life.  

The chosen will live in a house and receive such things as: job training, therapy, health/nutrition counseling & fitness instructions, and of course a make-over (after all, it IS a reality show).  Towards the end of the project, they’ll receive a stipend and a short-term apartment rental.  Just the basics to get them on their feet and going.  Perhaps the benefactor will end up employing them.  But I’m sure that with the publicity that the potential employer will receive, it’s not likely that they’ll be turned away.

This all needs to be flushed out, but that’s it in a nutshell.  Do with it what you will. I don’t need the money, but maybe just credit me with the idea?  Thanks.

Mama’s Meatloaf

A few people have asked me to post my Mom’s recipe. She may have picked it up from Hello Heloise, but I don’t know.  What I do know is that it came out bomb, just like hers always does.  I think it’s all in the topping/glaze.  Also, I didn’t have all the exact ingredients at home, so I made some slight tweaks.   

Here ya go:

1 1/2 ground beef

3/4 uncooked quick or old fashioned oats 

1/4 cup chopped onion (I used green onions)

1 1/2 tsps. salt

1/4 tsp. black pepper

1 cup tomato juice or 1 (8oz) can tomato sauce (I used sauce)

1 egg beaten

Combine all ingredients thoroughly. (I hand-mix) Pack into an ungreased loaf pan.

OVEN TEMP: 350 degrees       BAKE TIME:  1 hour & 15 minutes

Now here are the several types of toppings.  My favorite was always the first one…

Sweet & Sour topping

1 (8oz) can tomato sauce

2 TBSP. brown sugar

2 TBSP. vinegar  (I used apple cider vinegar)

1/2 cup sugar (I only had brown sugar, so I went brown all the way.)

2 tsps. mustard

Combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil. Then pour over meatloaf maybe 5-10 minutes before meatloaf while meatloaf finishes baking. 

Ketchup topping

1/3 cup ketchup

1 TBSP. brown sugar

1 TBSP. mustard

Combine & spread over meatloaf 10-15 minutes before it’s done. Return to oven to finish baking. 

Tomato Sauce topping

4 oz tomato sauce

1 tsp. Gebhardt’s Chili Quick or any chili mix

Combine and pour over unbaked meatloaf then bake as directed.

And as my Mom always says, “Don’t forget to add love.”